Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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