True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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