So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
