Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
