Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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