he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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