Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
