Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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