we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
