I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
