I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
