I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
