You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
