Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
