So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
