currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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