i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize