The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We're like a lot better than the average bears
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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