I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
