We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
