Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
