when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
