I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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