tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
don't judge my taste in strippers
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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