oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
