So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
