so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
my poor anus
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
