I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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