Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
