then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
