I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
