ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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