OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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