Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
