Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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