you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
