I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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