I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
