so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
