well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
