Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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