He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
