Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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