there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Sacagawea was the original milf.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
