you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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