It was confusing and full of hummus
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
