The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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