I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
