when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
