my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
