My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
