yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
