He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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