Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
