$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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