In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
there was a trapeze. enough said
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
