Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So. Much. Porn.
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