Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
