70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You're a waste of cheezeits
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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