sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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