His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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