I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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