i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
