My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
